[00:00:00] Rayna Neises: Welcome. This is Rayna Neises, your host for A Seasonal Caring Podcast where we share stories of hope for family caregivers breaking through the busyness and loneliness of life to see God even in your caregiving season. Today I’m excited to introduce you to our special guest, Diana Derringer. Diana is an award-winning writer and author of Beyond Bethlehem in Calvary 12 dramas for Christmas, Easter, and more. Shares, hope and joy through more than 1200 devotions, articles, dramas, bible studies, planning guides, and poems over 70 publications. She also writes radio dramas and questions about life television programs for Christ in the World Ministries and shares weekly blog posts on Words Wit and Wisdom. Life lessons from English expressions. Diana speaks at churches, schools, and community events and has taught workshops for the Kentucky Christian Writers Conference. Her Adventures as a Social worker, adjunct professor and youth bible study teacher, friendship family for international university students and caregiver for her husband supply a constant flow of writing ideas. Connect with Diana at dianaderringer.com and on social media.

[00:01:14] Welcome, Diana. It’s great to have you here today.

[00:01:17] Diana Derringer: Thank you, Rayna. It’s great to be with you. I appreciate the invitation.

[00:01:22] Rayna Neises: Well, we’re all about caregiving, and I know part of your writing comes in play with caregiving for your husband. So tell us a little bit about him and what that looks like for you guys.

[00:01:31] Diana Derringer: My caregiving began in 2004 when he was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. And at that time the caregiving was primarily because he was having memory issues. And a lot of fatigue. When he first started having symptoms, it was extreme fatigue and memory things, you know, that were a little bit beyond what’s normal when you’re middle age.

[00:01:57] And he also would have just a real brief episode, just a few seconds where he would turn white. And break out in sweat on his forehead and would have a little difficulty talking. In fact, if he tried to talk at that time, it just came out as gibberish. And we saw a doctor, and the doctor thought maybe it was just a medication that needed to be adjusted. But about three months later, my husband said, something’s not right. I don’t know what it is, but I intend to find out. And so he went to our family doctor that we had gone to for years and said, I don’t want you poking and probing. I just want you to listen. And he did. He listened, and within a couple of weeks he had had a series of tests and a surgical biopsy and was diagnosed with stage three anaplastic astrocytoma. And at that time, his prognosis was about three to five years. So

[00:03:09] Rayna Neises: Wow.

[00:03:10] Diana Derringer: was, he was having oral chemotherapy. Timidar had just come out shortly before that. And so that was a blessing. So he took five pills every month and medication to keep from, getting nauseous or nauseated during that time. And on the other days, around the medication, then we could still continue a some somewhat normal lifestyle. Then in 2009, he suffered a heart attack. We had had some international university students with us and. We were doing some cleanup after they left. I was changing beds on one side of the house. He was changing beds on the other, and I heard him fall hard when I get to our bathroom, he’s lying face down in a pool of blood and I, I called 9 1 1.

[00:04:10] Rayna Neises: Oh wow.

[00:04:11] Diana Derringer: Yeah. Yeah. And they said don’t move him unless he stops breathing. Well, eventually I had to move his head. I had to lift his head out of the blood because he had fallen and his head hit the shower door handle, which was metal, and then came down on the step into the shower. And so. I left him there as long as I could, but eventually I had to raise his head up so that he wouldn’t breathe in all of that blood. And just a few seconds before I heard the sirens coming he stopped breathing.

[00:04:54] Rayna Neises: Oh wow.

[00:04:55] Diana Derringer: yeah, after that episode, then of course his level of care increased again. And then in 2020. He started having a lot of stroke-like symptoms again, and eventually one day I realized that it looked like he was actually having a stroke, so 9 1 1 again. And they flew him to an out of, out of town hospital and after a series of tests for about two days, they said. He had not had a new stroke, but he was having seizures that did not manifest like the seizures that I recognized, and that plus urinary tractt infection a few months before resulted in those symptoms. So they increased his medication and he was better almost instantly. But with each new crisis, we entered a new level of care. And so in the last three years after another episode with having to adjust just his cholesterol medication because he suddenly became allergic to that. And so at this point he is on a walker and his memory has gotten progressively worse, but it’s still amazingly good considering all he’s been through. So we’ve had, you know, those three miracles. But with each one, with each episode has come a new level of care. So we’re now at a situation where if I’m going to be away from home, then I have to get somebody to come in and for the recording today in the event that he needs something. You know, I didn’t wanna have to hop up and interrupt the recording. So I have somebody staying with him now, but in the last few months he has stabilized and so that’s, that’s been a good thing.

[00:07:09] Rayna Neises: I always say we’re in a season of caring, but it does change. There are times, there are peaks where we’re in crisis, and then there are times where we have to make that adjustment to find our new normal, you know, find people that are the right fit for the support that we need at that point.

[00:07:26] And as you mentioned, the 24 hour care looks different now than it did, before. So so important to be able to be fluid with that. But it’s, that’s such a hard thing ’cause it’s really not our nature. We like routine so having to deal with these new challenges can be so hard.

[00:07:45] Yes.

[00:07:46] Well, it sounds like we’re thankful that he is, in point where he is kind of stabilizing and you guys are finding your new normal.

[00:07:53] Diana Derringer: Mm-Hmm.

[00:07:54] Rayna Neises: it can be such a challenge to be able to find that. Share a favorite caregiving story with us.

[00:08:02] Diana Derringer: Actually, I have two stories that are our favorites and I have a hard time choosing

[00:08:05] between between the two. Both are related to a little bit of what I just shared with you. The first when he was diagnosed with the malignant brain tumor, his prognosis was three to five years. After about three years, he went into remission. They continued his chemotherapy pills for another six months, but he was still in remission, so they took him off and he continued. And so every time we would go to the neurosurgeon with new MRI results and bringing him up to date on how things were even, he was amazed, at least twice the neurosurgeon looked at us and he would say, how are you doing that seriously? How are you doing that? And he was, he was such fun to visit anyway. I mean, he, stayed so busy. I know. And he had this really wild, unruly hair and sometimes it would get really long. And so one of our favorite things to do on our way to, to visit that doctor.

[00:09:18] And of course, you know, you can be a little apprehensive when you’re going for, a new report. And so our fun thing was we wonder if he’s had a haircut, but he was a great doctor. And so that was one of our favorite stories. The, the second relates to the 2009 episode when he had the fall with the severe brain injury, the heart attack, and the stroke. We don’t know which happened first, but it was almost simultaneous for all three of them. But when they put him on a respirator they thought when they took him off the next day that he would die. But he tracked motion and sound with his eyes. He squeezed our hands in response to questions. You know, he, he was able to breathe on his own. They reduced the oxygen a little bit at first, and then the doctor said, let’s just see what he does with it off. And we did. And so he turned around and he says, well. It looks like we have is a miracle. And I remember my nephew I was standing between my nephew and my sister when they were doing this in the room. And I remember when all of this was going on, my nephew, who was like this big bear of a man, and I’m this little shrimp and he just gives me this big bear hug. And it’s like, you know, he’s make this. And of course, they. thought at first he would probably not be able to, to move his right side, not be able to walk, not be able to talk, probably have no mental abilities. And two days later he’s sitting up talking with us. Now his memory was

[00:11:20] much shot at that time, both short, short and long term. But he’s sitting up talking and laughing and our sister-in-Law, who is a speech therapist told me later, she said, Diana, have no idea how significant it is that he’s joking So anyway,

[00:11:40] Rayna Neises: Yeah.

[00:11:40] Diana Derringer: know when, when the, the doctor came in a couple days later and he said, can he move his right side? My husband had heard us talking. I know because he had started exercising that arm and that leg and, you know, doing all these things. And he he move his arm at all? And I said to him, move your arm. And so he just waves it around And then he said, well, can he right leg? And I hold my hand out and I say, kick my hand. And he almost had it up that high. Oh, and so doctor turned around and he looked at the nurse and he said, get him in therapy now. And his injury was he had this horrible cut on his head. They even done anything, but just kind of put a little bandage over that. And so they cleaned him up and, started doing things fast at this point. And the cardiologist who had seen him initially and had been gone that weekend and when he came back and, you know, he talked to them at the nurses’ station, he talked to me. And then he charted in his notes the very technical medical term. Wow. And it was

[00:13:13] Yeah,

[00:13:14] Rayna Neises: they probably still talk about at the hospital. Honestly. It

[00:13:17] Diana Derringer: Yes. Occasionally. Occasionally. You know, and he was in three different hospitals during that episode. In fact, we spent christmas and New Year. In a rehabilitation hospital, our third hospital, and in all three hospitals, he was called the Miracle Man. The EMS people, referred to him as the Miracle Man. And when, when we went for surgery in the in between hospital this one, one nurse comes in and she said, I just wanna touch him. I want a little bit of whatever he has. And so,

[00:13:54] Rayna Neises: yeah.

[00:13:55] Diana Derringer: So we have lots of good stories.

[00:13:58] Rayna Neises: I bet as a caregiver that was ups and downs. I mean, I can’t even imagine how difficult for you having to do CPR on him to hearing that they don’t expect him to make it, and then having him, recover like that. That’s

[00:14:12] Diana Derringer: Mm-Hmm

[00:14:12] mm-Hmm. Yeah. This whole caregiving thing has been a series of ups and downs, and several times I referred to it as it’s sort of like riding a roller coaster in the middle of a storm. You know, if you’re on a roller coaster and a and a storm pops up, you have no choice. You ride it out till you get to the end, and there’s nothing you can do about that. However, you know, if, if that were to happen or when it does happen, you got some people that just crouch in fear and you’ve got others that are screaming their lungs out and others that fuss about, know, why don’t they get, get us off this thing. You know, do something. And then you’ve got a few people that look around at the Majesty. Of that storm and the beauty, you know, my husband and I are sort of weird. We like to watch storms roll in and and so you can look around and you see, you know, the positives in the midst of all of this craziness. So, you know, caregiving is like that. We have highs, like, our miracles. You know, my husband. After his first diagnosis, he kind of withdrew for a couple days and while I was doing all the busy work and he came out and he said God, and I’ve had a little talk and everything’s gonna be okay. He wasn’t saying, I know I’m going to live. I know this is going to be easy.

[00:15:49] But saying, God’s gonna ride this out with us no matter what happens. Through all of our ups and downs, God is with us. And so when we have, good days, we enjoy those. When we plummeted into the depths of despair we, we have to remember that God’s in charge. And even though it’s tough right now, he’s gonna be with us through it all, and he’ll carry us when we can’t go any longer. And so we choose are are we going to stay stuck in anger or despair or all of the stages of grief. And when you’re in caregiving, you’re grieving, you know, it’s grieving is for a lot more than just death.

[00:16:35] Rayna Neises: Yes.

[00:16:37] Diana Derringer: And so it’s okay to have those feelings. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be in despair. It’s okay to to feel all of those emotions that God gives us, but we just don’t wanna get stuck in them. So we choose.

[00:16:56] Rayna Neises: Yes. And you choose over and over and

[00:16:58] Diana Derringer: Mm-Hmm, over and over. Do we choose despair or do we choose joy? And we chose joy.

[00:17:06] Not every day. You know, we don’t look real joyful every day, but we choose joy

[00:17:13] and we

[00:17:13] Yeah.

[00:17:14] hope

[00:17:15] because of our savior.

[00:17:18] Rayna Neises: Perfectly said.

[00:17:19] Wow. Is that not so important to grasp, choose joy. We’re going to have grief. We’re going to experience the difficult things of caregiving, but we always have a choice. I want to offer you a little more information about a resource that I have available. It’s called Finding Peace in Grief. It’s a resource for brokenhearted caregivers, and it really is an opportunity to take a look at how grief might be impacting you right now in the middle of your caregiving season. Jill has gone through this course, and this is what she said. I highly recommend investing in Rayna’s program on grief as a gift for yourself. I know it will help you and encourage you too. Rayna’s program provided me with readings as well as videos from other experts. Each person seemed to know exactly how I was feeling and validated my emotional journey. I found this program emotionally valuable and I was able to go through it at my own pace. This program is available for listeners for just $37. I really, really encourage you to take a look at this program. Caregiving is full of challenges, changes, and more heartbreak than we even imagined as we go through the process. But we don’t like to talk about that grief, learning to understand grief, how it impacts our brain, how it breaks our heart. How to process that grief in order to be able to heal even in the middle of the season. It really can make such a difference for you. I want to encourage you to learn more about finding peace in grief, visit the website, a season of caring.com/peace in grief.

[00:19:09] I know that you will find this course to be really helpful. The content is presented in caregiver conversations that are just frank conversations about grief with caregivers, just like you. I have video teachings that include information of various kinds of grief, how grief impacts your body and your brain. As well as those processing tools and then also articles that you can read. So a variety of different ways for you to be able to take in this information and just begin to process it.

[00:19:40] This caregiving thing is tough, but you can choose, you can choose to have hope and healing, even in the middle of the grief and pain. I encourage you to take the time to check out this course for just $37. Again, www.aseasonofcaring.com/peaceingrief. Now let’s go back to our conversation with Diana.

[00:20:04] So what would be one thing that you would share that surprised you you most about caregiving?

[00:20:09] Diana Derringer: I think it’s the emotional upheaval and just every day, every day is different. And some days you’re in the depths of despair and some days you’re just you, you know, it just, it’s just hard. It’s just really hard. And knowing how to adjust each day because you’re in the middle of, doing all of the physical things that your loved one needs. You’re also dealing with your loved one’s emotions and your own, you’re dealing with all of the responsibilities, the medical stuff and the insurance stuff, and just getting the supplies that you need and juggling all of the different caregivers and it’s, it’s hard. It’s, it’s really hard. And,

[00:21:04] um, and nobody, nobody understands that, one lady that does caregiving was saying the other day that nobody really understands until they’ve been there. And each person’s situation is different.

[00:21:20] So we have to learn to that. You know, life will, will never be the same. And that’s not all bad, you know in addition to the many things that you give up you also gain. And so you gain a greater appreciation for each day, a greater appreciation for life. And for God’s promises, both in this life and for the life to come. So your life forever changes, but that’s not necessarily bad.

[00:21:58] Rayna Neises: it does. I agree. I think that is something we don’t hear enough of. And it’s something that I hear from the people that reach out from the podcast. I don’t have a lot of you that reach out. I’d love to hear from more of you. But that how much this helps them to know I’m not the only one, because it’s isolating and because unless you have peers that are in caregiving, you just don’t. Nobody can really, like you said, they can’t really understand and that’s one reason why I’m such a big advocate for support groups. I think sometimes we don’t realize how much, just having others who get it, walking alongside us can be so helpful.

[00:22:40] And I facilitate faith-based support group called Nourish for Caregivers, and I just. Think that there’s such an important piece of that, for us to be able to point each other to the Lord and for us able to be honest with each other and just say, we don’t have the answers. We love you, and we remind you that God loves you too. Even though this is hard and even though this isn’t what you thought it would be,

[00:23:03] Diana Derringer: yes. It’s important to, to recognize that we can’t do it on our own forever. And so, you know, if

[00:23:14] Track 1: yes,

[00:23:15] Diana Derringer: initially you have a lot of people that are, coming in and helping and, and responding and all, and then when things are sort of stable, you get into this routine. And sometimes you have to, to, learn to reach out and to say, I need this. It’s hard sometimes for people even to say Yes. when people offer help. We like to be independent. We like to do things on our own, but I’ve learned over the years that how easy it ha maybe not easy, but it’s become easier to say yes. Thank you. I would appreciate that. And when this offer is not made and you see the need, then I’ve learned that I need to reach out to a few people that I feel comfortable doing so and say, this is going on. Can you pray for it? Can you come? Can you help me? I know when in 2020. Whenever my husband, we thought had another stroke and they had flown him an hour and a half away. And so I was going to be driving to get there and I thought, I don’t trust myself driving right now. So up to that point, I had been able to leave home for short periods of time and he could be okay on his own. And so I was going for a walk and then this young lady had asked if she and I could do a mentoring kind of thing. So I was serving as her mentor. And then we would have prayer time together. So I called her when this happened and I said, are you free? And if so, could you drive me to Lexington? And she said, sure. And she did. She was there within minutes. And so, we have to learn to reach out and to allow people to give them the opportunity to help us.

[00:25:19] If we enjoy caring for other people, then we know how good that makes us feel. So we want to be sure that we’re not robbing other people of the blessing of helping us. A friend asked, can we pick up something for you for dinner once or twice a week? You know, cooking is one of my least favorite things to do, but I do it so we don’t starve to death. And so,

[00:25:46] Rayna Neises: Me too.

[00:25:48] Diana Derringer: so I said, yes, that would be wonderful. And you know, he’s still doing it. He’s still doing it. And more than just one day now

[00:25:57] Rayna Neises: amazing.

[00:25:58] Diana Derringer: it is, it’s. So it’s great to have friends

[00:26:04] Rayna Neises: Wow. So Diana, your stories, you’ve been able to just share with us where God’s shown up for you over and over again. But is there one more that you wanna share where it just really stands out where he showed up for you.

[00:26:15] Diana Derringer: Oh, absolutely. Throughout all of this you know, you lose so much. And yet it’s amazing when, we give God the little threads of everything that’s going on in our lives, it’s amazing to see how God can weave all that together in ways that we would never have expected and would probably never have experienced otherwise. When I retired from social work, one of my major goals was to do more international mission trips. International missions is my passion. And I loved traveling to other places and sharing God’s love, especially in areas where there wasn’t a lot of that going on. But when my husband ha was diagnosed with the malignant brain tumor. Not only did he lose his potion as a manager at the store, but I also lost the ability to do international mission trips anymore. But God,

[00:27:31] Rayna Neises: Yeah.

[00:27:32] Diana Derringer: Just, the Christmas before a friend of ours from church. Ask if we would be interested in taking an international university student into our home during Christmas break. Supposed to be with us for about two weeks. She ended up staying six weeks and it was wonderful. We loved our time with her she started inviting other friends in, to come visit with us and to eat with us. God has a sense of humor. We spent most of our time in the kitchen cooking, eating , and going shopping for groceries. And so even after she left, then more students, it just became, our thing to do was to serve as a friendship family to international university students. And our maximum number was one summer they said, can we bring all the students from Taiwan? I said, sure. And they come, kept coming back with, well, now we have this many. I was like, that’s okay. We have this many, that’s okay. We have 39. That’s okay. our house is not that big, but we had 39 students from Taiwan to eat with us one night, and I learned, you

[00:28:44] know, much harder to cook for 39 than it is for six or eight. So anyway, so we began doing that and it was like international ministry from home because we had students from all over the world and a lot of them. I had little or no background in knowledge about Jesus going to church, nothing. And so we just loved on them and then would gradually get permission, you know, we would ask about their beliefs and then request permission to share our beliefs. And so God just blessed in amazing ways. So I thought maybe all of his international mission trips was just preparation for this.

[00:29:32] Rayna Neises: God brought them to you. That so amazing. And so

[00:29:35] Diana Derringer: yeah, yeah. But then, after the 2009 episode, then we had to start cutting back a little bit on that. And so my heart was breaking again. I mean, we didn’t cut back completely at that point, but we were cutting back. And but God, at a Kentucky Christian Writers Conference I learned about Christ of the World Ministries and how they were doing radio dramas. That were translated into multiple languages, broadcasts all around the world and a lot into areas with great restrictions. Missionaries are not allowed. Public sharing of your faith in some areas not allowed. And so I started writing radio dramas for them and that’s now increased to question and answer television programs as well. And you don’t get a lot of feedback. From the people that you write for, but occasionally, they would get feedback. And so this one lady from India wrote in and she was thanking the people with the ministry in India for the radio dramas, and said, as a result, she and all of her family, including her sister who was dying with cancer. It had become Christians and she said she wanted to thank them for the radio drama series. Knowing the One, True, God, I still get chills. I wrote the series Knowing the Ones True God. So I told my husband, I said, I just realized that I’m reaching more people. Through my writing

[00:31:31] Rayna Neises: Yes.

[00:31:31] Diana Derringer: than I could have in a lifetime of short-term mission trips. So yeah, a lot of things that we could do in the past we can no longer do, but a lot of things that we never did in the past we’re now doing. And his story, the miracles God has worked in my husband’s life. Have become stories that we’ve shared with so many people. So God’s still at work. My husband may not be able to work, in public employment, but he’s still making a difference in this world. God’s still making a difference through him. So, you know, it’s just a matter of waiting and seeing what God’s doing next.

[00:32:23] Rayna Neises: I think that’s so true because as caregivers we often can stay focused on what we can’t do anymore, but God has so many things we never even dreamed of. For me, I don’t enjoy writing, so, but I’m an author. I mean, God brought that opportunity for me to share our story and for me to be able to write it in a way that only my voice can share and reach certain people. And it’s just, it’s one of those things that I always say I never even knew to dream of this much less to ask for it. Right? So I love that about what he can have planned for us. And just have to keep looking and keep asking for what we can do and not be focused, like you said, in the middle of the rollercoaster. Be focused on what we can’t, but what do we have and what can we u how can we use that?

[00:33:16] Diana Derringer: Right, right. Yes. Just look up and you know, in awe at at what God can do, what God is doing and what he will do. Yeah.

[00:33:28] Rayna Neises: Definitely. So we have one last thing. What’s one little thing you’d like to share with fellow caregivers? Whether it be at the beginning of their caregiving or if they’re in the thick of, of years of it?

[00:33:38] Diana Derringer: I’d like for people to know, first of all what we just shared, that God can take the hardest things. And can use them and can bless us in spite of them. A very, very practical thing that I’d like for people to realize is expect that you’re gonna lose sleep most likely. You know, sleep loss was one of the for me to deal with, and so take care of yourself. We get so wrapped up in caring for the other person. And so if, if you lose a lot of sleep at night, you may have to take a nap during the day. If the person you’re caring for is asleep, it’s so tempting and to do all this work that you still haven’t finished. But sometimes your body is just saying, gimme a break. Slow down. And take care of yourself.

[00:34:37] Take care of yourself. You know, do stretches your muscles get tight during the day. Stretch those muscles a little bit and but, but don’t forget to care for yourself. You can’t care for others if you get down.

[00:34:53] Rayna Neises: So important. We say it a lot, but it’s because it is so important. I think sometimes people feel like, oh, I keep hearing, take care of myself, take care of myself, but it’s because we’ve been there and we know. It is weighing on you and your health. If you don’t pay attention to it, and I think sleep is one of those things because so many people are worriers, they lose sleep or they wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep.

[00:35:18] It is so important to really. To watch that because we’re finding more and more research on how many things sleep impacts. So I think that is important and there’s lots of great resources out there to help you be able to get back to sleep, to be able to get those patterns and rhythms in life where you can establish your sleep. So I think that’s a great reminder.

[00:35:39] Thank you so much for being with us today, Diane. It’s been wonderful to hear just how God has blessed you guys. I love how your story just tells us the difficult things at the same time as acknowledging that God’s been right in the middle of it with the blessings.

[00:35:54] Diana Derringer: Mm-Hmm. Thank you. I have enjoyed sharing with you and I appreciate the opportunity and for anyone that is, is listening or watching just know that you have people praying for you. That you don’t even know. I have a, a writer friend in Mississippi and, and she has started doing little reels every week and she always ends with, I’m praying for you. And so just know that you, you’re not alone. God, is there..

[00:36:24] Rayna Neises: Yes. So important. Thank you again. You can find more of Diana’s writings at DianaDerringer.com. And you can also find a link to her site and all of her socials on the show notes page. So we would love for you to stay connected with her and be able to enjoy her work.

[00:36:40] Thank you for joining us today for Stories of Hope with Diana A Season of Caring Podcast has been created to share stories of hope for living content, loving well, and caring without regrets.

[00:36:52] If you have legal, financial, or medical questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.