Life Lessons from the Garden

Consider the dandelion. Reviled by many as an insistent, bothersome weed, it nevertheless continues to proudly display its pert, bright yellow self in lawns and gardens everywhere, thriving in the face of adversity.

Thriving in the face of adversity.

Where, in our own lives, do we face adversity? How do we carry ourselves through it: head down, beating ourselves up or feeling defensive and resentful?

Or head up and face open, like the dandelion, sure of our intrinsic worthiness, knowing our gifts to the world, even if the world doesn’t necessarily recognize them?

James 1:2-4 reminds us, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Like the dandelion, we are called to face our trials with joy and perseverance, knowing that through them, we grow stronger and more complete in our faith.

Caring for a loved one is filled with many opportunities to grow through adversity.  Let’s look to the garden and see what we can learn to help us continue to be the best caregivers we can be throughout this season.

For those who know how to look and wait, the garden teems with other such life lessons. As spring awakens this year, turn your awareness to the wise teachings of your garden. If you don’t have a conventional garden, a container garden on your porch or potted plants in your home still offer valuable lessons. Here are a few:

It’s OK to be imperfect.

Trying to grow the perfect rose, or the perfect cabbage, is an exhausting, never-ending quest for flawlessness. “Imperfect” roses are still beautiful and “imperfect” cabbages still burst with flavor, just like we humans. With our myriad imperfections, we still contribute our own beauty and zest to the world.

Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Even in our imperfection, we are loved and valued immensely by God.

Many caregivers can be very hard on themselves.  It is a new season, you haven’t been here before so it is filled with oppportunities to make mistakes. None of us are perfect we are just called to grow and learn to be more like the one who is perfect.

Pruning improves growth.

Removing old habits that don’t serve us opens new possibilities for growth in areas that do serve us. John 15:2 says, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” Like the branches, we too are pruned by our Heavenly Father, so that we may grow more abundantly in His grace.

Caring for yourself is important.  We talk about it all the time.  In this season you will need to let go of some things so you can care for those who need to care for while you are caring for you too.  Pruning might feel like it is forever but remember this is only a season another one will come someday.

Pay more attention to your health. As author William Longgood wrote, “Over fertilized plants may be beautiful but are otherwise useless, like people whose energies are devoted so completely to their appearance that there is no other development.”  Only focusing on one area of our life will allow other areas to be neglected. Balance is an important part of learning to be the best caregiver you can be.

Regular maintenance is important.

Isn’t it so much harder to clear an overgrown jungle of a garden than to regularly pull encroaching weeds? Think of the clutter that can accumulate in our houses, the extra pounds that are harder to lose than to keep off in the first place, the overwhelm or illness that can result from too little self-care.

Don’t neglect any of areas of who you are.  These are some of the areas to consider: spiritual, friends and family, finances, health, romance, fun and recreation, physical enviroment and business or career. Are there any of these that need more attention today?

 Have faith.

Plant a seed, water it, and trust that it will grow. Similarly, believe that the shifts you make in your life, the dreams you hold dear, will fully blossom if you nourish and protect them. Hebrews 11:1 teaches us, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Like the gardener who plants a seed in faith, we too must trust in God’s plan for our lives, even when we cannot see the outcome.

Being in a season of caring can require much of your faith. The outcome may be unknown or you may know you are walking your loved one all the way home and that will be challenging.  Don’t neglect the things which feed your faith.  If what you used to do doesn’t fit anymore then find new ways to feed it. And never forget He is the giver of faith so you can always ask for the faith you need, right now! 

Don’t be afraid to try new approaches.

The garden is an incredible laboratory for experimentation. What new approaches do those old problems in your life need?

Trial and error is one of life’s best teachers. Not trying is the domain of hopelessness.

Ask!  There are many of us who have walked this road before you, we want to help.  Have you asked?  Have you found a support group where there are others who can offer their hard won wisdom.  

Take care with predators.

It doesn’t take long for predators to damage the result of your careful cultivation, in the garden and in life. What toxic relationships, substances, and emotions are feeding on your energy and taking away from what you have to give to others? Eliminate them.

It is ok to draw boundaries.  Boundaries are designed to help you.  Christian writer Lysa Terkeurst has great insight on boundaries.  She states boundaries are actually a paradigm shift.

“And the paradigm shift really is boundaries are not for the purpose of controlling or containing or trying to change another person. That’s where I made the mistake with boundaries for so long, I kept putting pressure on other people with my boundary hoping to get them to change. But if they are unwilling or possibly incapable of the necessary changes, I must learn how to put the boundary on myself, so that I can end conversations when they need to be ended. Lovingly and kindly.
I can remove myself from situations that are unsafe or unstable or just not good for the best of me to be front and center in those relationships. And I don’t have to feel so stuck, so powerless, so unable to make a situation better. I have to remember, I always, always am responsible to remain self-controlled. It’s my responsibility to decide the situations that I give access to or the people that I give access to. When I say access, I mean access to my limited capacity. I have limited capacity in my finances, in my emotions, in my time. And so, it’s my responsibility to acknowledge those limitations, not because I’m mean, but because I’m human. ”  

You can learn more about boundaries in Lysa’s book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes

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Transform your trash.

The compost heap turns rotting plant waste into a treasure pile of rich, organic fertilizer. What negative patterns in your life can you work to transform? When we do the hard work of breaking these patterns down, the results are often rich and beneficial to our lives.

Everyone is unique and needed.

Everything in nature has a function that is interdependent. As famous naturalist John Muir said, “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.” Rock, plant, bird, bee—even bacteria in the soil—all occupy a vital place in life. What is your purpose, your gift to the world? Who do you depend on; who depends on you?

I Corinthians 12:18 tells us “But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.” This passage beautifully shares that every individual is unique and has a specific role to play, much like every element in nature contributes to the ecosystem’s balance and health.  You and all who are helping you care for your loved one are important.  Express your appreciation to others who are helping you they could be feeling overlooked/invisible too.

Something important happens every day. Take the time to notice the little everyday miracles in your gardens and in your life.  He is faithful, thank Him for those miracles!

 By reflecting on these lessons from the garden and aligning them with scripture, we are reminded of the depth of God’s love for us and the wisdom He imparts through His creation. May these reflections inspire you to see the beauty and lessons in all aspects of your life and caregiving, just as you do in the garden.

Rayna Neises understands the joys and challenges that come from a season of caring. She helped care for both of her parents during their separate battles with Alzheimer’s over a thirty-year span. She is able to look back on those days now with no regrets – and she wishes the same for every woman caring for aging parents.

To help others through this challenging season of life, Rayna has written No Regrets: Hope for Your Caregiving Season, a book filled with her own heart-warming stories and practical suggestions for journeying through a caregiving season. Rayna is an ICF Associate Certified Coach with certifications in both Life and Leadership Coaching from the Professional Christian Coaching Institute.

She is prepared to help you through your own season of caring. Learn more at ASeasonOfCaring.com and connect with Rayna on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

Read other articles by Rayna